COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS
EXPLORING THEIR TYPES AND HOW THEY AFFECT US
Our mind lies to us all the time. It does it without you even realizing that things are not as they appear. These unhelpful and inaccurate thoughts are called cognitive distortions and they happen because the mind tries to convince us that our feelings are caused by outside circumstances when in fact is the way our mind interprets those circumstances that affects how we feel. It's important to be able recognize and challenge cognitive distortions, otherwise they can contribute to feelings of anxiety and depression.
In this article, we will explore a few common cognitive distortions and what you can do about them. All or nothing thinking makes us see things as either all good or bad, stopping us from seeing the shades of grey in the middle, like coming second in a contest and feeling like a failure because you didn't come first. It also makes you think in absolute terms such as always and never at all and I think thinking creates perfectionism and sets unrealistic expectations for ourselves and others, which can reduce our motivation and lead to failure.
Disappointment for example: you may feel like your day was a waste of time because you didn't complete every task you set for yourself. You drink a whole bottle of wine because you've broken your rule not to drink this week and decide you might as well finish it off. You decide that a colleague gets everything wrong based on just one or two mistakes. If you find yourself engaging in all or nothing thinking, remind yourself that absolutes rarely exist. Be sure to look for the shades of grey and positives in between.
Labelling is a form of all or nothing thinking where we give ourselves or someone else a label based on single event that doesn't really define who we are. For example: if we label ourselves as stupid after making a mistake, we're more likely to think and behave in this way because labels can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you notice your labelling, stop and think of the label as a snapshot behaviour rather than as a defining characteristic and remember that labels are better suited to jars than they are to people.
Mind reading involves making assumptions about what others are thinking or feeling without any evidence. For example: if a friend doesn't reply to us immediately, we may jump to the conclusion that they're mad at us. We can't read someone else's mind and so we need to remember that our assumptions are just projections of our own thoughts and feelings. Fortune telling is another form of jumping to conclusions in which we make assumptions about what's going to happen. Often predicting things are going to go badly without evidence to support the prediction. Assuming the future is set in stone can lead to feelings of pessimism and hopelessness.
Catastrophizing involves expecting the worst case scenario in any situation like experiencing turbulence and expecting the plane to crash, killing everyone on board. Getting a disappointing exam grade and thinking you'll never get into college. Fearing you'll be alone forever after a romantic breakup or waiting to get fired at work after making a simple mistake. Catastrophizing can contribute to anxiety in a range of situations. So what can you do about it? De-catastrophizing involves learning to question our thoughts so that we can better understand our worries. Often we realize that our worries are unlikely to come true or that the worst case scenario really isn't that bad or worth worrying about.
Mental filtering is like wearing a pair of glasses that filter out anything positive, leaving only the negative details this makes us perceive the whole situation in a negative light and prevents us from seeing other possibilities. It's important to pay attention to the positives and the negatives so that we can see the situation in a more realistic light. Discounting the positive is similar to filtering but instead of removing the positives, we just tell ourselves they don't count like receiving a compliment and thinking that someone is just trying to be nice or succeeding at something and telling ourselves we just got lucky.
If you find yourself discounting the positive, ask yourself why it doesn't count. You may find that you can't think of a valid reason, emotion or reasoning. For example: you may feel lonely seeing others having fun and wrongly conclude that no one cares about your feelings, whereas these are not facts but reflections of your thoughts and beliefs. Try to notice when you're thinking in unhelpful ways and ask yourself what's the evidence for how you're feeling and are there alternative explanations.
Should statements make us focus too much on how things should or must be creating unrealistic expectations for yourself and others? Should statements make us feel apathetic and lead to disappointment, feelings of guilt and failure? With practice, it gets easier to notice and stop using them or to replace them with more realistic word statements such as "Iwould like to be better at this". Do you recognize any of these cognitive distortions in yourself?
The best way to combat them is to become better at noticing when you're using them and to question whether there's a different and better way to see things.